older post

Looking back at my older post make me laugh. Typo with uncomplete sentences,.. Not forgotten, how bad my grammar was. Flying too high can cause unexpected result. Same goes to driving to fast while driving. So lol for you guys and dumb look for me.. Hahaha.. The end.

apa tu?

Satu malam yang hening di bandar j bawah rumah depan kedai..

Gadis : awak, sayang saya?

Jejaka: sayang sangat. Np?

Gadis : kalau saya hilang ingatan?

Jejaka: wtf?? Cakap apa ni?

Gadis : nothing.

Jejaka: if awak hilang ingatan, belum cukup untuk saya tinggalkan awak. Saya akan jaga awak, remind awak pasal kita hari2.

Gadis : awak, tengok atas bumbung bangunan tu.

Jejaka: apakah?? Gelap je saya tengok

Gadis : tengok betul2. Kat atas tangki hitam tu.

Jejaka: apa tu? Sumpah xnampak apa2. Hitam gelap macam kulit saya je.

Gadis : (ketawa) adalah. Tengok betul-betul. Pakai mata hati.

Jejaka: seriouslah. Apa tu? Hantu? (Ketawa)

Gadis : (muncung) hantu mana menjelma jadi tulisan

Jejaka: okay. Sorry. Apa yang kat atas bumbung tu? Serious talk.

Gadis : (peluk lengan jejaka) atas bumbung, kat atas tangki air tu, ada tulis I LOVE YOU.  

Jejaka: (senyum)(pandang bulan mengambang yang baru menonjolkan diri disebalik bumbung)

Gadis : I said i love you. Pekak ke?

Jejaka: (ketawa) dengar je. Tengah fikir awak ada see-through eyes ke sampai boleh nampak tulisan tu.

Gadis : geram ah cakap dengan kau.

Jejaka: I love you too (bisik)(senyum)

HENTIKAN SPEKULASI YANG MENGUNDANG KONTROVERSI DAN KONFRONTASI YANG MENCALAR HATI

Terkejut, terkedu dan terkelu,
Keheningan pagi itu tidak seperti biasa,
Hiruk pikuk seluruh negara,
Dibadai sejarah yang baru tercipta,
Berdebar hati mencerna berita yang diterima,
Adakah ini mimpi atau satu lagi gurauan melampau,
Hati dan fikiran statik,
Tidak bergerak atau berfungsi,
Detik dan masa berlalu perlahan,
Hingga terasa seperti waktu tidak berjalan,
Oh tuhan, apakah yang terjadi?

Awan biru menjadi saksi,
Segala apa yang terjadi,
Kehilanganmu terlalu misteri,
Sehingga timbul segala macam kontroversi,
Dari mereka yang tidak punya isi hati,
Hanya tau mencemuh dan mencaci,
Menerbitkan segala kontroversi yang mengundang kesedihan di hati,

Aku merayu, melutut jika perlu,
Tolong hentikan segala spekulasi,
Yang meremuk dan meluluhkan hati segala umat manusia yang berakal fikiran,
Hentikanlah segala tuduhan,
Karena ia bukan memudahkan tapi menyusahkan segala-galanya

answer 2

An answer is an answer. When odds in your favor, the answer will likely bow upon you. And if destiny give the anwers that most likely will torn u into pieces, it always meant to be somethig. Silver lining always there behind the cloud isn't it? So just keep calm and add to your to-do-list : rilex. Sit tight and enjor your ride. Literally i meant it. Because God's know better for everything happen.

goodbye.

I'm saying goodbye. Nothing more hurtful as for now. Tons of problems that shouldn't bother me. But instead, those haunting me badly. Breath being heavier more and more. Less oygen to make my brain fucntion normally. Creating another room of imaginations and fantasies. Or should i name it as room of escapism? Nevertheless, goodbye is the best way for time being. Forget all about the world. Forget all people i loved and all favorite thing. Let me be own my way. Let me hurt. Let me bleeding till death. I am me.

answer 1

Already got the answer for that question.

new sem, hectic , mess or bless?

Been a while from last post. Not because of pack crammed schedule i have nor because of running out of idea to write. Simply because i dont have the heart to write. Once in a while, my thoughts just be a thought. Not complicated and simply to define or refine. New sem just started and its more hectic than predicted. With mountains of work to be done, hectic sem of course will add more value to my life, i think. After a week of new sem, i figured that every subject in this sem will not going easy with me. Either i work my lazy ass up to excel or doing nothing like i always do and prepare for failure and another paper to be worried for another sem and will brings another solid reason for why I should extend my bachelor period. Not like i am gonna love it but i will beat the subjects badly with my own way so i will not regret anything during the hectic sem. This so not the things i want to write but nevermind. I will keep it for the next time.

Just go

I am super messed up. Fullstop.

untitled

I love doing things i love,
I hate doing things i hate,
Usually i do things i hate,
Rarely doing things i love,
Pretend to love things i hate,
Try to forget things i love,
Frankly, this is the things that happen in our life. After some times, we give up on the things we loved and force ourself to love things we hate. And normally after countless number of trying, we may succeed and eventually feel glad about it. Guys, please stop bitching yourself. Why? Remember this!
If everything we want, we can get just like that, where and how do we learn to be sincere?
If everything we dreams happen as soon as possible, where and how do we learn to be patience?
If every single of our prayer being granted, where and how do we learn about effort?
If we are always happy without problems in our life, where we do learn to know and get close with God?

anonymous

I miss her but can i tell her? I want her but how can i get her? I need her but where do i have to start? I want to know her but how can i move if i am froze like ice? To her, answer this questions.

We Are Human

We are not an angel who full with good deeds, and we are not the devil who full with evil thought. We are  human who have good sides and bad sides. Do deeds and sins. No one can escape that. Live with it and cheerish your life to the most so you won't regret anything. Think wisely before do  something because actions speaks louder than words.

A YEAR

A year ago, there were we. As I'm sitting alone, flashback on what happened to us. Almost all of the event plays in my mind. We used to spent time together, doing things together and shared a good laugh on what happened on us on that day. We ruled the world like nobody else in this world and no other things matters. Against all odds, we tried to solved problematic equations. One after another. But we lost in trying. A year later, now, there is no more us. It just you and me. Trying to solve the equations alone. No more us in finding the solutions. I realized that although we are on our seperated way, the things you used to teach me are still in my mind. Times flies fast and memories are fading in order to give room for new memories but i still can remember almost everything about you. Not fading as it should be. There is no change in it. I am a brand new and all thanks goes to you. You teached me a lot of thing about this life and its perspective. In fact you still teach me without you noticing it. I try to be as positive as i can to face this challenging life. Million thank won't be enough to tell you how much i appreciate everything you have done in my life. There is nothing i regret about it. Except for one. If i could turn back time, i would choose my time with you, without hesitation. Millions of reasons to do that and i won't pick any of the them because it don't have to be any reason at all. But i can't. Realities are not beautiful as we planned. It is painful and hurtful but its the best teacher for us to grow more stronger and matured. Thanks for giving me chance to know you and let me in and experienced your life. I really appreciate it. Honestly, i don't know how to thank you. I hope you will do the best in whatever you do in your life and promise me that you will be strong in facing the obstacles. Praying you the best. If you are happen to read this, thanks for everything especially being teacher for my life and whenever you feel alone facing this life and feels like the whole world against you, reach me because i am always available for you, insyaallah.

randomly speaking of which

4.42 a.m n im still awake. Lots of thing playing in my mind. My brain and my mind supposedly in peaceful rest after tiring badminton session but here i am. This is so not insomnia. My body is tired, my eyes are most likely seing everything in double or triple visions and I can't sleep. I am afraid of repeating the same mistake. Afraid of things i shouldn't be afraid. Silly aye? Yeah. Me just being the silly me for this particular moment. Everything seems to be tying up with no end knots. Where is the source of the problem? Myself? Me? I? Haha. I dont know. With christina aguilerra's (i dont know whether i spell her name right and i don't care if i spell it wrong) song stuck in my head, it makes my situation worst.

"Say something I'm giving up on you"

And what is that suppose to mean? Why all of sudden my brain keep repeating the same lyrics? Is I'm giving up on something? If it is, surely me myself would know about it because the decision to give up on something or someone is not a sole decision. I'm too tired to play this game, Mr Brain n Mrs Mind. So stop it before i force you guys to stop. Hopefully after Subuh prayer, those things will stop and i can sleep like others.

salutation

Having a small talk, without knowing that you inspired me. Few small conversations make me feel motivated and try to do my best in what im doing. I dont know how to explain it. I dont know what to call it. But trust me, you motivate me more than you know it. I am really appreciate it. Although we only met for short period of time n rarely seeing each other or having a good laugh. Yes i admit it that you not talking to me. You speak to my heart. That is why although im not seeing you in person, you still be my unpaid motivator. And always be. And for that, i salute you.

PURA-PURA

Pelik. Semakin aku cuba untuk memahami, semakin aku tak mengerti. Kenapa manusia perlu berpura-pura terutama dalam persahabatan. Terlalu banyak kepura-puraan yang aku saksikan. Mual dengan adegan hidup golongan ini. Maaf, entri ini tidak ditujukan kepada sesiapa. Aku sendiri melakukannya. Sebenarnya, apa yang aku saksikan tidak ubah seperti drama melayu di kala petang yang sama jalan ceritanya tapi berlainan tajuk. Apa tiada kisah kehidupan lain yang hendak dipamerkan untuk tatapan penonton? Apa kehidupan di malaysia berkisar tentang harta, pangkat, kekayaan dan kemewahan hidup? Mungkin kasar tetapi ya, itulah yang sebenarnya. Mereka yang berharta, dipandang tinggi dan mulia walhal perangai paling durjana namun dimaafkan. Kenapa? Kerana manusia manusia yang sebegini kagum dengan kekayaan yang dimiliki oleh orang lain. Pelik. Kenapa perlu bersusah payah mengemas rumah tangga orang lain sedang rumah tangga sendiri bersepah dan berselerak. Kenapa perlu diselimuti penipuan yang menyenangkan hati dari ditikam oleh kebenaran! Sedangkan kebenaran adalah jalan kehidupan yang hakiki. Ingat, berkatalah benar walau kebenaran itu pahit. Dan walau pahit mana pun kebenaran itu, kita harus menelan kerana bukankah pahit itu antara sifat ubat? Dan bukankah ubat itu dicipta untuk menyembuhkan? Nah. Terbukti bahawa kebenaran adalah ubat kehidupan. Dan ingat, tidak semua ubat itu pahit. Realiti memang menyakitkan tapi setiap kesakitan itu ada ubatnya melainkan mati. Termaktub dalam kitab suci Al-Quran. Ya, aku akui hidup di zaman memerlukan wang yang banyak namun, pesanku wahai sahabat, persahabatan berlandaskan wang dan materialistik tidak akan ke mana. Percayalah. Hari ini kau disanjung kerana keluarga mu kaya serta berharta dan belum tentu lagi kau akan mengalami kehidupan yang sama apabila dewasa kelak. Tidak, aku tidak matang malah jauh dari tangga kematangan namun gunakanlah sebaiknya segala deria yang dianugerahkan untuk menilai baik dan buruk. Aku bukan sahabat yang baik kerana ada masanya aku akan berpura-pura seperti orang lain. Tegurlah aku, kerana aku bukan cermin yang boleh melihat refleksi diri, dan aku jarang sekali sedar akan kesalahan yang aku lakukan. Tidak perlu berpura jika hendak menjaga hati. Kelak akan terbongkar juga segala kepura-puraan yang dilakukan. Aku berbahasa 'sarcastik' bukan bermaksud memerli tapi menasihati kerana aku tidak pandai memberi nasihat seperti mereka yang kau sanjungi. Aku hanya menjadi diri aku dan tidak pernah lepas dari salah. Mungkin pada mata manusia sekarang, persahabatan hanyalah satu lagi istilah dalam kamus kehidupan tetapi bagi mereka yang mengerti, persahabatan akan kekal tinggi dalam diri, mungkin sehingga mati.

food of thought for the day

As i flipping those notes provided by beloved lecturer in my way to find some mood to study, i found that in almost every first page of new chapter, there's words of wisdom that i find interesting and most likely fit my current situations, coincidently. So i decided to start my study session with a blog entry.

Flatter me, and i may not believe you, 

Critize me, and i may not like you,

Ignore me, and i may not forgive you,

Encourage me, and i may not forget you,

William Arthur

Knowing is not enough, we must apply,

Willing is not enough, we must do

Johann Von Goethe

These two are the choosen to be put in this entry. Why? Because i like it and somehow it sound like a very voice of inspirational. Anyway, actions do more than words. In this case, it is proven..

bubur ayam itu enak sebenarnya ^_^

I am not feeling well.. sore throat n burning chest pain makes me weak. Side effect of the gastric pills truely affected me. 2 more paper left n i dont have mood or whatever it takes to finish it due to my health condition right now. But obligations does not mean to be left out.so hopefully there will be sombody will bring to me bubur ayam mcd as per my last 'sick period' because im craving it.

P/s:sickness always brings my IQ down n boost up my sarcasm language.n_n

The Berlin's

Berlin's wall fall to the ground, end of discussion. Never been enough. World created another walls, to divide and separate. Dividing the world we known into pieces. Pieces that can only be glued by peace and serenity. They said. No big questions on that. No one will ever ask where the next wall about to be build. No one ever care. Because deep inside, every single person is busy building and demolishing their own walls. Walls that never can been seen or touch physically. Bit by bit the 'berlin's' walls crack and fallen, piece by piece. It just a matter of time now. And if the wall is gone, is there will be another 'berlin's' wall build up? Or just a big door pretend to be a wall so that this chaotic life will be continue? And yet, no one can answer to that questions. Lets pray and hope when the 'berlin's' down, next rising wall will lock the peace inside it and guard by love and harmony so the chaotic misery dark twisted life will be just only a registered visitor that will come once in a while and no longer amusing.

undead thought

One evening, few hours spending, back to back questions, too little informations gain, too many things left unsaid and too many things linger in my mind. I need answer but should i ask? I need statements but do i need to observe? Or do i just sit tight and do nothing like i always do? Me and speechless not align together but i am speechless. In of front of you, my mouth went dead n my mind keep creating endless question. You are too good and positive while im the opposite. Too much too say and too much undead thought.. hope this will be much better afterwards.