A YEAR

A year ago, there were we. As I'm sitting alone, flashback on what happened to us. Almost all of the event plays in my mind. We used to spent time together, doing things together and shared a good laugh on what happened on us on that day. We ruled the world like nobody else in this world and no other things matters. Against all odds, we tried to solved problematic equations. One after another. But we lost in trying. A year later, now, there is no more us. It just you and me. Trying to solve the equations alone. No more us in finding the solutions. I realized that although we are on our seperated way, the things you used to teach me are still in my mind. Times flies fast and memories are fading in order to give room for new memories but i still can remember almost everything about you. Not fading as it should be. There is no change in it. I am a brand new and all thanks goes to you. You teached me a lot of thing about this life and its perspective. In fact you still teach me without you noticing it. I try to be as positive as i can to face this challenging life. Million thank won't be enough to tell you how much i appreciate everything you have done in my life. There is nothing i regret about it. Except for one. If i could turn back time, i would choose my time with you, without hesitation. Millions of reasons to do that and i won't pick any of the them because it don't have to be any reason at all. But i can't. Realities are not beautiful as we planned. It is painful and hurtful but its the best teacher for us to grow more stronger and matured. Thanks for giving me chance to know you and let me in and experienced your life. I really appreciate it. Honestly, i don't know how to thank you. I hope you will do the best in whatever you do in your life and promise me that you will be strong in facing the obstacles. Praying you the best. If you are happen to read this, thanks for everything especially being teacher for my life and whenever you feel alone facing this life and feels like the whole world against you, reach me because i am always available for you, insyaallah.

randomly speaking of which

4.42 a.m n im still awake. Lots of thing playing in my mind. My brain and my mind supposedly in peaceful rest after tiring badminton session but here i am. This is so not insomnia. My body is tired, my eyes are most likely seing everything in double or triple visions and I can't sleep. I am afraid of repeating the same mistake. Afraid of things i shouldn't be afraid. Silly aye? Yeah. Me just being the silly me for this particular moment. Everything seems to be tying up with no end knots. Where is the source of the problem? Myself? Me? I? Haha. I dont know. With christina aguilerra's (i dont know whether i spell her name right and i don't care if i spell it wrong) song stuck in my head, it makes my situation worst.

"Say something I'm giving up on you"

And what is that suppose to mean? Why all of sudden my brain keep repeating the same lyrics? Is I'm giving up on something? If it is, surely me myself would know about it because the decision to give up on something or someone is not a sole decision. I'm too tired to play this game, Mr Brain n Mrs Mind. So stop it before i force you guys to stop. Hopefully after Subuh prayer, those things will stop and i can sleep like others.

salutation

Having a small talk, without knowing that you inspired me. Few small conversations make me feel motivated and try to do my best in what im doing. I dont know how to explain it. I dont know what to call it. But trust me, you motivate me more than you know it. I am really appreciate it. Although we only met for short period of time n rarely seeing each other or having a good laugh. Yes i admit it that you not talking to me. You speak to my heart. That is why although im not seeing you in person, you still be my unpaid motivator. And always be. And for that, i salute you.

PURA-PURA

Pelik. Semakin aku cuba untuk memahami, semakin aku tak mengerti. Kenapa manusia perlu berpura-pura terutama dalam persahabatan. Terlalu banyak kepura-puraan yang aku saksikan. Mual dengan adegan hidup golongan ini. Maaf, entri ini tidak ditujukan kepada sesiapa. Aku sendiri melakukannya. Sebenarnya, apa yang aku saksikan tidak ubah seperti drama melayu di kala petang yang sama jalan ceritanya tapi berlainan tajuk. Apa tiada kisah kehidupan lain yang hendak dipamerkan untuk tatapan penonton? Apa kehidupan di malaysia berkisar tentang harta, pangkat, kekayaan dan kemewahan hidup? Mungkin kasar tetapi ya, itulah yang sebenarnya. Mereka yang berharta, dipandang tinggi dan mulia walhal perangai paling durjana namun dimaafkan. Kenapa? Kerana manusia manusia yang sebegini kagum dengan kekayaan yang dimiliki oleh orang lain. Pelik. Kenapa perlu bersusah payah mengemas rumah tangga orang lain sedang rumah tangga sendiri bersepah dan berselerak. Kenapa perlu diselimuti penipuan yang menyenangkan hati dari ditikam oleh kebenaran! Sedangkan kebenaran adalah jalan kehidupan yang hakiki. Ingat, berkatalah benar walau kebenaran itu pahit. Dan walau pahit mana pun kebenaran itu, kita harus menelan kerana bukankah pahit itu antara sifat ubat? Dan bukankah ubat itu dicipta untuk menyembuhkan? Nah. Terbukti bahawa kebenaran adalah ubat kehidupan. Dan ingat, tidak semua ubat itu pahit. Realiti memang menyakitkan tapi setiap kesakitan itu ada ubatnya melainkan mati. Termaktub dalam kitab suci Al-Quran. Ya, aku akui hidup di zaman memerlukan wang yang banyak namun, pesanku wahai sahabat, persahabatan berlandaskan wang dan materialistik tidak akan ke mana. Percayalah. Hari ini kau disanjung kerana keluarga mu kaya serta berharta dan belum tentu lagi kau akan mengalami kehidupan yang sama apabila dewasa kelak. Tidak, aku tidak matang malah jauh dari tangga kematangan namun gunakanlah sebaiknya segala deria yang dianugerahkan untuk menilai baik dan buruk. Aku bukan sahabat yang baik kerana ada masanya aku akan berpura-pura seperti orang lain. Tegurlah aku, kerana aku bukan cermin yang boleh melihat refleksi diri, dan aku jarang sekali sedar akan kesalahan yang aku lakukan. Tidak perlu berpura jika hendak menjaga hati. Kelak akan terbongkar juga segala kepura-puraan yang dilakukan. Aku berbahasa 'sarcastik' bukan bermaksud memerli tapi menasihati kerana aku tidak pandai memberi nasihat seperti mereka yang kau sanjungi. Aku hanya menjadi diri aku dan tidak pernah lepas dari salah. Mungkin pada mata manusia sekarang, persahabatan hanyalah satu lagi istilah dalam kamus kehidupan tetapi bagi mereka yang mengerti, persahabatan akan kekal tinggi dalam diri, mungkin sehingga mati.

food of thought for the day

As i flipping those notes provided by beloved lecturer in my way to find some mood to study, i found that in almost every first page of new chapter, there's words of wisdom that i find interesting and most likely fit my current situations, coincidently. So i decided to start my study session with a blog entry.

Flatter me, and i may not believe you, 

Critize me, and i may not like you,

Ignore me, and i may not forgive you,

Encourage me, and i may not forget you,

William Arthur

Knowing is not enough, we must apply,

Willing is not enough, we must do

Johann Von Goethe

These two are the choosen to be put in this entry. Why? Because i like it and somehow it sound like a very voice of inspirational. Anyway, actions do more than words. In this case, it is proven..

bubur ayam itu enak sebenarnya ^_^

I am not feeling well.. sore throat n burning chest pain makes me weak. Side effect of the gastric pills truely affected me. 2 more paper left n i dont have mood or whatever it takes to finish it due to my health condition right now. But obligations does not mean to be left out.so hopefully there will be sombody will bring to me bubur ayam mcd as per my last 'sick period' because im craving it.

P/s:sickness always brings my IQ down n boost up my sarcasm language.n_n

The Berlin's

Berlin's wall fall to the ground, end of discussion. Never been enough. World created another walls, to divide and separate. Dividing the world we known into pieces. Pieces that can only be glued by peace and serenity. They said. No big questions on that. No one will ever ask where the next wall about to be build. No one ever care. Because deep inside, every single person is busy building and demolishing their own walls. Walls that never can been seen or touch physically. Bit by bit the 'berlin's' walls crack and fallen, piece by piece. It just a matter of time now. And if the wall is gone, is there will be another 'berlin's' wall build up? Or just a big door pretend to be a wall so that this chaotic life will be continue? And yet, no one can answer to that questions. Lets pray and hope when the 'berlin's' down, next rising wall will lock the peace inside it and guard by love and harmony so the chaotic misery dark twisted life will be just only a registered visitor that will come once in a while and no longer amusing.

undead thought

One evening, few hours spending, back to back questions, too little informations gain, too many things left unsaid and too many things linger in my mind. I need answer but should i ask? I need statements but do i need to observe? Or do i just sit tight and do nothing like i always do? Me and speechless not align together but i am speechless. In of front of you, my mouth went dead n my mind keep creating endless question. You are too good and positive while im the opposite. Too much too say and too much undead thought.. hope this will be much better afterwards.